Pining

I've found myself pining late at night for the friends and camaraderie that I enjoyed in college. This is unusual for me as I don't usually spend much time looking at the past, but I've had a chronic case of nostalgia in 2010. (I haven't seen this on the symptom list for the second trimester of pregnancy either - though that is to blame for most anything else that ails me.) Don't get me wrong, those friends still exist, but they aren't here and a part of my daily life. Like me, most of them have turned inward with the acquisition of spouses, homes and offspring. It is hard to include someone in this small and intensely emotional world when they aren't here and it is the same for them I suppose.

It makes me wonder - have I reached my quota of deep friends for life? I truly appreciate those I still have, but wonder if I've lost my ability to make more. If my daughter is awake and present, I seem to only devote half a brain to a conversation and an adult conversation takes a full brain. The other half of my brain will probably be used up in August when #2 is born.

There are still joys each day, but I suppose I'll always miss that web of friendships and people. Though if you would have asked me 10 years ago, I probably would have been yearning for a husband and family :)