On Building a House

This month it has been three years since we took this picture of the ground breaking on our addition with my father-in-law.  We amateur home-builders have learned SO MANY THINGS the hard way since this picture was taken.  And we still aren't finished, but I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane to remind myself how far we have come and distill those lessons.   

On Liturgy in the Home

It was Christmas morning and we were not happy to be around the tree.  I was an early teen and the details of the dissension are fuzzy, but the pall was palpable.  Whether it was sibling squabbles, work and school stress or something else, I only remember that my family could not bear to look at each other, much less celebrate Christ's birth together.  It seemed as if the tension would never end, but then my mom yelled that if we wanted to have Christmas, first we were all going to look each other individually in the face, tell the person that we loved them and give them a hug.  By the end we were all crying.  We each started with the easy person, the one that hadn't been giving us problems.  Some of the tears were a release of tension and some of them were because it was so hard to look at a person who had wounded you and forgive them.  In order to honestly tell someone's eyes that you love them, you have to forgive them.  To this day, it was one of the most difficult acts of will and obedience I've done, but mom was right and we went on to have Christmas with clean hearts.  That morning, we learned the hard way that Jesus came for our reconciliation with each other as well as with God.

On Journaling

Somewhere in a box in our shed is my first journal.  It is probably next to the first letter I received from a friend.  (She taped peanuts to the top of that letter and no one has sent me anything quite so interesting in a letter since then.)  The only entry I remember making in my scratchy writing was one where I described my concerns with the man my aunt was marrying. The end of their marriage years later confirmed my sixth grade concerns.  

Journaling was a habit I continued through much of my young adult and adult life.  I tried to pen worthy thoughts and find great quotes in my reading, but they frequently were about boys and my mysterious interactions with them.  As I grew in my faith, the entries became like prayers, but I suppose it isn't surprising that once I got married, I started "talking" to my husband instead of "talking" to my journal.

One of the ways I made my journals more useful was to regularly look back through them.  In my heyday, I wrote almost daily, so I would look back one year into the past and read my previous entry each day.  That practice was so encouraging.  I was able to see what struggles had diminished, areas where I had grown, and how prayers had been answered. It was endlessly interesting since humans (and our mothers) are fascinated with our own lives.

I will have been married ten years this summer and sadly, those married life entries fit into only two journals instead of ten.  That is changing.  I recently heard the term commonplace book.   Some people use them to store, in their best handwriting, only meaningful quotes from their reading.  Some include those quotes, their responses to them, their to-do lists, long-term goals, etc.  I've decided to morph my journal back into a "commonplace" type of existence.

A February Daybook

Outside my window...

The snow and bitter cold are encouraging me to keep the window between me and the outdoors.

Giving thanks...

for my dad's successful surgery to repair his broken elbow.  

I am thinking...

that at least one of my kids is an extrovert.  

Candice's homeschool day in the life (with a 1, 4 & 7-year-old)

When I decided to consider homeschooling in the middle of last summer, I researched like a crazy person for three weeks before I chose a plan of action.  I am a box-checker who despises construction paper, but loves to read.  I seemed to have the greatest affinity for the principles of Charlotte Mason, so I chose to use the literature-based Sonlight curriculum with some of my own additions thrown in.

I chose the first grade package for my daughter Hazel.  Unexpectedly, every time we settled on the couch to read about history or study the Bible, her brother Jubal was on the other side of me.  He would ask the most pertinent questions and I soon realized that I was homeschooling him too. 

The following was my day on Friday, January 23rd with some notations as what a more "normal" day would entail.

6:45 a.m.  The baby in my closet (yes, you read that correctly) woke up and was ready eat.  In an ideal world I would get up at the same time every morning and have productive time to myself.  In my real world with two children who still get up frequently at night, I get up when the baby gets up.  I struggle with serious crankiness if I don't get a good block of sleep, so I get up anywhere between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. depending on how the previous night went and when Granville wakes up.

I nurse the baby, make my bed, wash my face, put on the same clothes I wore the day before and wipe out my bathroom sink and toilet.  I do not enjoy cleaning the bathrooms and would previously let them go so long that my husband would finally clean them.  Since August, I've been proactively wiping down my sink and "swishing" my toilet when I get up.  Now I never have to deal with bathroom horror because it doesn't have time to get that bad.  (Thanks for the idea FlyLady.)  Jubal hears Granville burbling in my room and gets up to see him sometime while I'm doing all of this.  I move to the laundry room where I start one load of laundry.  Both my husband and I try to wear our outer clothes as long as possible (unless they get dirty, of course!).  It really does lower the laundry requirements and we get away with only doing five loads of laundry each week.  I generally do one load per week day.  I wipe down our main bathroom and head to the kitchen.

7:30 a.m. Since we started homeschooling, I wanted to have better breakfasts than cereal every day because I don't have to put my daughter on an early bus anymore.  I have about ten breakfast meals that I cycle through.  Some are easy and some are more involved, so I can choose based on what we have going on each day.  Thankfully, we had breakfast for dinner on Thursday night so I still have pancakes in the refrigerator.  I clean out the dish drainer, make my tea, get out meat to defrost for our dinner, set out vitamins and our pancakes and bananas.  The boys and I eat, but Hazel still isn't up.

Sharing Stories

I love MOPS! In addition to being a great place to serve and grow beside other moms, it has been a place to share my stories.  You can read one of them on the MOPS blog today:

http://www.mops.org/blog/courage-to-have-another-baby

Dishwashers and Detours

Our dishwasher broke last month (right before my mom arrived for a two-week stay).  Normally, my fast-paced husband would have an issue like that handled within the week.  However, we are in the long-term process of building a new home ourselves and I am unwilling to spend a cent more than necessary on this one.  We haven't decided what appliances we will be using, so I don't want to purchase a dishwasher helter-skelter that wouldn't work with or fit in the new space (whose dimensions change on a monthly basis).

So, in addition to the new time commitment of homeschooling this fall, I am now washing dishes by hand up to three times a day.  To say that I lacked enthusiasm when starting this venture is a severe understatement even though I knew it was the right decision. But God was at work behind the scenes as He usually is.

What happened next reminds me of the time two winters ago when my husband was driving to North Dakota for work on treacherous two lane highways.  He was in the middle of nowhere when he suddenly had a piercing pain in his back.  It shocked him and he swerved to the side of the road.  In that moment, two semis crested the hill in front of him  -- side by side.  I got to keep my husband that day because sometimes pain and detours from God have a purpose. 

The purpose in a broken dishwater isn't so readily apparent as the miraculous preserving of a life.  However, I have been noticing a difference in my evenings.  Instead of me being left behind in the kitchen to clean up and load the dishwasher while my husband spends time with the kids, he joins me.  He knows that I've already done the dishes (at least once) that day and what a discouragement it can be to see a full sink again.  Now it is a time of reconnecting and working together that we didn't have on week nights when we had a functioning dishwasher.  I won't go as far as saying that we won't buy a dishwasher when we do build our future kitchen, but I'm beginning to see the purpose in this detour.

The higher you stack, the fewer you have to dry.

On Homeschooling

We are in our seventh week of homeschooling.  I have not broadcast this information beyond those I see on a regular basis.  I wanted to get our feet under us before I had to deal with defending our decision.

I have many friends and some family members who have taught their children at home.  I've seen the appeal, but at the heart of my own disinclination to homeschool was my own selfishness.  I didn't want to have to give up the time or use the mental energy that I knew it would require of me, the introvert.

Through a chain of circumstances in July, God changed my heart toward homeschooling.  Starting with a sermon, a book and two conversations, my aversion grew into a willingness to entertain the idea and finally into actual excitement.  My teen perception of homeschooling was that it was done out of fear - fear of danger and exposure to the world.  Fear wasn't the motivation I wanted to drive my decision.  And as we each determine the education of our children, no matter what we choose, we need to understand our motivations, intentions and desires.  

As I read, thought and talked this summer, I realized that there were better reasons to homeschool.  For one, maybe my children could actually get a better education if they were taught by someone who knows them well and who can give them lots of individual attention!  So here are my positive reasons for homeschooling:

*I can teach them how to think and not just what to think.
*By following their passions, we can inspire a love of reading, learning and curiosity feeding. 
*We can use school to ignite their heart for the Lord.
*We don't have to waste their time covering material that they already know, waiting for discipline issues with other students to be resolved or by riding the bus for almost two hours a day.
*We get to read real books together.  I am not a player or a crafty mom, but I love to read and this is one great way for us to spend time together.
*We can encourage their strengths and invest time in their interests.
*We'll have time to teach them about adult life: cooking, doing laundry, balancing checkbooks, and caring for their younger siblings.
*Finally, we can strengthen family relationships through all of that time playing and problem-solving together. 

I am seeing the most benefits in my peace, their ability to play together and reading levels.  It is not easy, though contrary to popular concern, socialization is not a big issue.  The idea of public school is so ingrained into us that we believe that children learn to behave like adults by modeling on a large class of their peers.  Last I knew, apprentice electricians still learn under journeyman electricians to wire a house.  So, apprentice adults should learn how to be an adult by learning from adults.

One person said to me that my children shouldn't be homeschooled because they need to know how to function in the real world and that the trials of junior high and high school will teach them through those hard knocks.  Again, the real world is generally not a group of peers.  My husband's coworkers range from twenty years older than him to  ten years younger than him.  Wouldn't he have been better served learning and interacting with a wide age range of students in his formative years - such as a homeschool group and mentor parents or adults?

Anyway, the hard is not the social.  The hard part for me is making sure that that social does not overtake the learning!  I've had to really organize my time and days in order make time for learning and preschoolers and baby snuggling and time for myself to read and write.  Yes, I've sacrificed, but mainly time on Facebook!  Seven weeks in and it is worth it.

I know that hard times will come and that is why I've written out my list to remind myself why our family has chosen this lifestyle.  I'm sure I'll need to read it again.      

Snow in September

We had a ninety degree day this past week, but last week, we had our first snow of the season. As the fluffy stuff piled up and gardens froze, my Facebook newsreel was awash with white. This is a natural reaction to snow in September, even in the West, but the day was September 11th.

I realized once again that any tragedy eventually becomes old news. On a day that is normally reserved for moving posts about where we were that day (I was on Capitol Hill) and heart-felt remembrances, we were consumed with the precipitation on our decks.

I actually don't think this is a bad thing. Like most people, I have had tragedy in my life - the kind that punches you in the stomach whenever you wake up. It is a relief to know that the immediate can eventually consume death, destruction and terror.

Writing Again

After a two-kid hiatus, it is time for me to start writing again. I have nine minutes left of mandatory quiet time. Only one child naps anymore, so this time essentially means - let me be quiet. Stay in your rooms and don't talk to me. Now eight minutes to say why I've decided to write again. I took a short road trip last Friday and the drive was so beautiful. I had some time to think while the munchkins enjoyed the generally restricted DVD player. My life is beautiful too, but it doesn't seem like it in the middle of it. You know how you can be reading a passage in a book about someone's typical day and it seems fascinating because it is an intimate look at someone else's humdrum? Well (four minutes left), when I write about my life, it seems beautiful again. I can be on the outside, look in, and appreciate what is not apparent to the protagonist, only the reader. I need to write and then read my own life to appreciate it. So perhaps these are letters to myself and no one else. You are welcome to read them though as I start writing again. 2:30 - Time's up.

The man who married me...

Sometimes in the middle of picking up toys, clothes, doing dishes, making dinner, etc., it is hard to remember that this life (husband, child and home) is just the middle of a beautiful love story being written by God Himself. It is good to be reminded that our marriage was a miracle orchestrated by God. More than that, it is a miracle that my husband is alive today (vibrantly so) and his life shows the personal, loving touch of God.

Timothy shared his story at church this past week (April 18th) and he reminded me again of these things. I so appreciate his passion, honesty and bravery in sharing what he did. I hope that you are blessed by it too. You can listen in on the link below.

http://www.livingrockgillette.com/resources/sermon-audio

Pining

I've found myself pining late at night for the friends and camaraderie that I enjoyed in college. This is unusual for me as I don't usually spend much time looking at the past, but I've had a chronic case of nostalgia in 2010. (I haven't seen this on the symptom list for the second trimester of pregnancy either - though that is to blame for most anything else that ails me.) Don't get me wrong, those friends still exist, but they aren't here and a part of my daily life. Like me, most of them have turned inward with the acquisition of spouses, homes and offspring. It is hard to include someone in this small and intensely emotional world when they aren't here and it is the same for them I suppose.

It makes me wonder - have I reached my quota of deep friends for life? I truly appreciate those I still have, but wonder if I've lost my ability to make more. If my daughter is awake and present, I seem to only devote half a brain to a conversation and an adult conversation takes a full brain. The other half of my brain will probably be used up in August when #2 is born.

There are still joys each day, but I suppose I'll always miss that web of friendships and people. Though if you would have asked me 10 years ago, I probably would have been yearning for a husband and family :)

Thanksgiving

Water changing the land...

Apparently life in here is not conducive to blogging. It is also not conducive to technology. Just this week, the dishwasher stopped working. This was the morning that I had to make almost all the desserts for our family's Thanksgiving and on a day when calling a repairman was out of the question. I still haven't caught up on those dishes. (I think some little fingers have been pushing multiple buttons and blew the circuits.) Then, I dropped my cell phone in the toilet. Thankfully, it was the first thing in the toilet - hint, hint - I just had to fish in water. Some buttons work and some don't. It won't charge, but it will let me make calls as long as it is plugged in. I realize this defeats the purpose of a cell phone, but I really use it more as my mobile phone book now that I'm at home most of the time. On a long drive last weekend, I blew a fuse in my husband's car while trying to use an old power converter. That is three, so I'm hoping that I don't have any more technical missteps. I don't think our budget can take anything else.

Ridding myself of some of these items may have a purpose. I had four hours of driving time with no radio and no company last weekend. It was the first uninterrupted thinking time I've had in months. I was on a new road - for me - and I was able to remember how much topography interests me. I like to watch how places connect and how water - though it is rare - leaves such a deep imprint on land here. I was able to push back at the press of daily work that fills my head and think about who I want to be in five years rather than what I'm making for dinner tomorrow night.

I took advantage of the opportunity, but I still hope that my husband has changed the fuse the next time I drive his car.

I'm a self-evaluator, a second and third guesser, when it comes to my interactions with other people.  I walk away from a conversation thinking, "that wasn't the tone I wanted."  This has primarily happened in my conversations with adults.  Not any longer.  

A few weeks ago, H was having a particularly challenging day and I was also challenged with keeping my cool.  I picked her up and told her, "You are driving your mama nuts."  She looked at me and said, "Nutsss."  I realized this conversation was all wrong.  

With kids, you do get second chances to correct poor conversations.  We've turned it into a joke and now I ask her "What do you drive your mama?"  She loves to say, "Nuts!"  It's a crowd pleaser.  Hopefully she won't remember that I was serious the first time I said it.  

"Driving mama nuts is just a day's work for me."

Home Sweet Home

The word is out - we've signed a contract on a townhouse in a town two and a half hours away.  I didn't go into this process considering a townhouse, but it quickly became the best option in our price range.  It has three bedrooms on the second floor - enough space for guests (hint, hint) for now and more kids later.

It also has a fenced back yard.  This is a must-have with an active H.  An open floor plan on the first floor rounds out our list of wants.  

It'll be wonderful to be in our own house again.  Maybe I'll even paint some walls.  

The Girls

The girls and H.  

H and Nana

The coming Sunday is a big, sad day because our dear friends are leaving us and returning to Croatia.  

"Nana" (as H has pegged her), Nina and Dunja have become better friends to us than so many coworkers we've known over the past year.  Of course, they have to return to their home across the world.  

I haven't spent much time with international students (they are all working on a master's degree next year) since I was one.  I had forgotten how much I loved having conversations about English idioms, learning about new foods and seeing my own home from a different perspective.   They love their home and have been so willing to share - even hosting a "Croatia Night" at work.  

For a crew of childless ladies, they are wonderful with H.  She asks to see Nana every day and Nana faithfully comes to visit her everyday.  She is one of the few people outside of my family that has watched H - and she does it for fun.  She gives me a break while I'm working and while Timothy is working in far off places.  I couldn't have invented a more perfect gift!  

We've been able to share Wyoming with them too.  We all went to Yellowstone this month and it was so fun to watch H get passed around among so many people she loves.

And yet, they are leaving in a few days.  How do I explain it to H the next time she asks for Nana?  How do we plan a quick trip to Croatia?  I can't think about it without crying a little.

I have to put in a plug for Croatia.  We plan to go someday (it'd be sooner if we weren't buying a house) and visit our dear friends and their thousands of islands in the Adriatic Sea.  You should go too - think of it as the secret alternative to Italy.    

I'll miss these three and hope to meet them again in the wide world.  Thank goodness for Skype!

Never say never

I know they say that we shouldn't limit God.  I try not to, but when we were considering a move back to Wyoming.  I told God that I'd move anywhere in the state, but I didn't really want to end up in the southwest corner or northeast corner (sorry MBE).  

We've lived back near our parents for over a year, but this week, Timothy started a job in the dreaded northeast corner.  We'll probably all be there eventually.  After avoiding the place for the last year, I'm actually glad to be headed there (God is mysterious).  We'll have health insurance, Timothy will have better pay and we'll actually be able to live together for the majority of the week again.  

Sometimes living alone is easier.  I get to make all the decisions, be in control and there is no compromise.  I'm more patient with H because I have to be.  I don't have a back up person in case I'm having a bad moment that can swoop in and take care of her.  

However, there is no emotional support either and I'm exhausted by the end of the day from working and being a mom.  

A marriage is hard to conduct in a chat window.  Here I come!

Flu Beauty

I've had the flu about five times in the past 12 months.  This is after a hiatus of about 10 years.  I hope that God is not preparing me for bad morning sickness with my next kid.  Last night was incident number five.  You (and I) may wonder what beauty there is in the flu.  

One of my biggest fears before having children was what I would do when I got sick.  How can you nurse a baby when there is no liquid left in your stomach?  How can you take care of a toddler when you can't leave the bathroom?  God has been merciful this year though.  Either Timothy has been home to take care of Hazel, he has been able to come home to take care of Hazel, or I've gotten sick at night after she has gone to bed.  Last night was no different.  Timothy was home and it was the violent, but speedy version of the flu.  

I no longer have to worry about nursing, but it was amazing to see how my body would provide for Hazel when I didn't think I had any moisture left in me.  Mentally and emotionally, I want to do good for her even if it is to my own hurt.  Apparently my body agrees.   

Anywho, liquid stopped leaving my body in the middle of the night.  Timothy was off early to work.  I'm sitting here - floppy, drinking from my large stock of Pedialyte and strangely thankful.  

A New Camera

Here I am, ready to blog.  I've been keen on the idea for awhile, but I've had to really think about why I want to start another hobby.  (That is, in addition to the soap-making I started last week.)

It is a good question - why do people. specifically me, think they need a blog?

I come by letter writing naturally.  Before a husband and children, I wrote long letters to friends and I kept most of the letters they sent to me.  This includes a letter sent by a friend when we were in the 2nd grade.  I think it still has peanuts taped to the top of it.  There are other ways to keep in touch - email, facebook, cell phones.  However, none of these encourage complex thought or sentences quite like a letter.  

I attended a wedding this summer.  I took pictures and some of my more talented friends took pictures too.  Comparing the photos, you'd barely be able to tell that we were at the same wedding.  Why?  Yes, they have nicer cameras than mine, but they also have better perspectives.

I need that in my own life.  I live in a unique place - on top of a mountain in the midst of beauty. However, I get up and go to work like a large majority of the population.  It is hard to notice the beauty sometimes.  BUT - if I am going to write someone a letter, it forces me to consider what might be their perspective and enjoy my own life from a better angle and with a larger lens.

That is what this blog is for me - a new camera.